I have never recognized my
need for Christ more than within my roles as wife and mom. Every other
relationship or responsibility that life has thrown my way seems easy compared
to these. I feel as though I constantly fall short, my inadequacies exposed.
Maybe this is a good thing.
I’ve been used to getting
along with people and doing well in life. Growing up I rarely got into trouble;
I excelled in school, and now work life seems a piece of cake. So it’s easy for
me to pat myself on the back and think that I’m a pretty good person. But in truth,
“all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23 NIV),” and I
am most certainly included.
Since becoming a wife and
mom, some days I feel like I can’t do anything right. I can think of no other relationship
than that of being a spouse or parent that is so fulfilling yet so arduous. I desire
so greatly to be the person my family needs me to be. But by 8 a.m. I’ve
already said unkind words to my husband or lost patience with my kids, and I
wish I could start the day over and try again.
“I do not understand what I
do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do…For I have the
desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:15-18 NIV)
This passage from Romans so
vividly describes the way I feel. It brings me straight to the foot of the
cross, imploring God for His mercy and strength. And that is exactly where He
wants me. I cannot do it alone, as much as I try to sometimes. I need Him every
hour, every minute, guiding my path. I need Him to cover my marriage and my
family with his protection.
Being a wife and a mom has
brought me to such an unexpected place in my relationship with Jesus. It is a
place of longing for His will in my life, gratefulness for His grace and strenuous
exercise for my soul. I have come to realize that I am far from a perfect wife
and mom, but that God doesn’t require me to be perfect. Instead he calls me to be
faithful, continually seeking Him. I will undoubtedly continue to mess up, but
I will also never stop trying to be what he wants me to be.
“What a wretched man I am!
Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God,
who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24-25 NIV)
Do you ever feel this way? I
would love to hear your thoughts. Please share!
Eric, I had a big, long comment to share, but somehow lost it all. I do feel this way so often! I used to think I was doing so well and had my life pretty well managed...until baby #2 & #3 came along. =) They are of course the greatest blessing, however the added stress causes me to lose my head and say things I wish I could take back. Often I have to remind myself what is really important... not the house or even preparing every meal to my greatest ability... but spending time holding and reading to and listening to my babies. =) I love your blog, btw...can't wait to see more! -Ash
ReplyDeleteAshli, thanks for your comment. That stinks that you lost the first one you wrote. I'm glad to know that I am not alone in feeling this way. Friends like you have been the greatest support! :)
ReplyDelete